You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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