Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i dont even know how to be here
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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