I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
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