Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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