Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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