As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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