yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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