Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
