I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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