The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize