I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
