I seem to have left my pride at pride
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
