Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
