I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
