tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize