my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
