@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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