I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
