I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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