Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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