it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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