I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
