You can't special order awesome
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
