she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
high people should be assigned attendants
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
