FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
