You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
