dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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