Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
