when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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