She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
