My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
