drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
