I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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