If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
