I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
