im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
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