I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
