2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
