Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
