I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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