party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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