I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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