return my video game
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
