Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize