Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
