dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My life is pants optional.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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