im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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