it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
