He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
