Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
