I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
