my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
