I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
