Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize