its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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