Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Houston, we have a blender
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
