yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
