then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The air was thick with penises
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
