Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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