She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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