Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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