I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
