Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize