I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
