Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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