Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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