Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
