Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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