I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
