the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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