Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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