New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
